I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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