tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
