so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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