it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize