hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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