You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
