I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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