we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
