tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
