I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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