I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
