just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have fence marks all over my body
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
