I wanna passion pit in your ass
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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