OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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