yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
