They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
