it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can Purell be used as lube?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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