I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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