Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
