guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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