Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
