i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
