So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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