Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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