that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
