he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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