So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
