I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're so nebulous sometimes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
