Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
