This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
