I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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