I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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