just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
