Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
as a side note pls kill me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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