after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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