dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
