My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
