they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
