If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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