Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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