Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize