Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
