Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
