Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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