Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize