Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
