im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
