Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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