you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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