I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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