How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
