I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
