So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
