he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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