my vag is so smooth its legendary
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
last night I used snow as a chaser
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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