I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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