eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
