Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im part way to drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
