i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
