If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
