Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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