Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
