Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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