Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
being pregnant is like rehab
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize