it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
