i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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