so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
