I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
