Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
