whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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